Mark Twain (1835-1910)A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
American humorist, novelist, writer, and lecturer
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.
All creatures kill—there seems to be no exception; but of the whole list, man is the only one that kills for fun; he is the only one that kills in malice, the only one that kills for revenge.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have no race prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it hundreds of times.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.
The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey.
The report of my death was an exaggeration.
There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
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